The Duddy-Burkes: Parenting in the cross-hairs
Marianne and Becky Duddy-Burke of Boston are as proud as two people can be, of each other and of their five-year-old daughter Emily. It is amazing to think that the institutional Church would consider their marriage “disordered” and their motherhood an occasion of “violence” to their child, just because they are lesbians.
The twosome shared their story of meeting, finding common values, and falling in love. Their sacramental marriage was blessed before a supportive church community in 1998, and their civil union validated in Vermont in 2000. After 9/11, they decided they wanted to welcome a child into their lives. Through the Department of Child Services they met Emily in 2002 and became foster parents. During the process of adopting Emily in 2003 the State Supreme Court changed the law to allow same sex marriages. Marianne and Becky were among the first same-sex couples married civilly in June, 2004. All the Catholic bishops and Gov. Mitt Romney have sought to overturn the court ruling, but without success.
The Duddy-Burkes find a real
tension between everyday people, who are welcoming, and the institutional Church,
which offers rejection. Becky said that most people don’t care that Emily
has two moms, even the principal at the Catholic school Emily attended. But
they struggle with what will happen when she gets older. Emily is now in a public
school setting.
Her parents are currently seeking to adopt a second child. All in all, they
feel their family life is pretty normal. For instance, Becky admitted to having
had a trying day with five-year-old Emily, who calls Marianne “Short Mama,”
and the taller Becky, “High Mama.” “She may turn out to be
an only child,” Becky joked.
Earlier this year, the Massachusetts Department of Social Services gave the duo its Outstanding Adoptive Parenting Award.
Marianne, who was executive director of DignityUSA during the 1990s, returned to that post this fall. Dignity’s national office has relocated from Washington to Boston. Becky is a licensed clinical social worker in a group psychotherapy practice.