Volume 25, Number 3    December 2003

Nelson-Johnsons, Tom Fox: Sexuality is bigger than sex

“The church wanted me to be anorexic as far as sex was concerned,” said Terry Nelson-Johnson to begin a day of reflection on “Sexuality: Vehicle of Peacemaking Extraordinaire,” along with his wife Holly Nelson-Johnson and co-presenter Tom Fox.

Nelson-Johnson asked the audience about the nature and tone of their sex education. Many acknowledged that they were raised in ignorance, shame and guilt. He traced this to the legacy of St. Augustine who undervalued sexuality and saw marriage only as a remedy for concupiscence. Nelson-Johnson asked whether people saw sex as a threat, a force of nature to be reckoned with, or a gift.

The Nelson-Johnsons used multimedia throughout their presentation — dance, poetry, video, music and slides — to show that sexuality is essentially about learning to hold and be held by each other, by life and by God.

The risk of letting yourself be vulnerable was movingly portrayed by Holly Nelson-Johnson in a dance solo to the music of “Scar” by Carly Simon:

A big man will love you even more when you're hurting/ And a really big man loves a really good scar… A wise woman comes from an evening star./ She says “Lead with your spirit and follow your scar.”

Tom Fox said that we first need to accept our brokenness as human beings but then must forgive ourselves and trust that we are loved by God. “We need a much bolder reverence for life because all is sacred. Everything is in meaningful relationship.” Fox tied this realization that God is in everything to the new cosmology. Catholics like Thomas Berry are leading this discussion on the sacredness of the universe because Catholics have a sacramental view of life, he said. In this context, intimacy is a sign of strength and adult maturity.